When we read the gospel of St. John chapter fourteen, it is hard to miss the familial or relational focus of the text as Jesus tells the disciples that he is going away from them for a while. The response of the disciples show their anxiety and even despair about the prospect of being separated from the man who they have come to depend on as their leader, teacher, friend and protector. Some could describe Jesus’role as a big sibling in this relationship and some of us could even see parental characteristics on display in their relationship. Given that today is Mother’s Day, we want to look at parental relationships especially that of a mother and child relationship and in this regard I believe there is much to reflect on from this text. Jesus’ relationship with these disciples most certainly highlights aspects of the parent and child relationship that is worth considering today for our own relationships and ultimately for our relationship with our Heavenly Father or parent. In this regard, I would like us to reflect on three important characteristics of the parent-child relationship that are important for healthy family relationships and are ultimately crucial for our own relationship with God.
- Parental love is demonstrated in obedience.
As far as children are concerned, I can safely say that most parents expect they will be obedient to them as they grow up. It is important for children to be obedient in most cases for their own protection and their own healthy development. A child shows his or her love for the parent by being obedient to them. Implicit in the concept of obedience is the matter of trust. After all, no one including children will want to obey people who they do not trust and you will trust people who you value and care deeply about. The individuals who you trust are people who have shown that they are worthy of your trust in them. Ultimately you trust people who you love or putting it another way if you don’t love someone you will not trust that person. The two things go together. Most of us have had the privilege of carrying out the parental role in the life of someone else, whether our biological children or not. In all of these cases, especially with young children, we expected them to obey us at all times. This was not simply because we were the adults in the relationship but more so because we expected that they respected and loved us to the extent that they felt comfortable and secure in trusting us and therefore obeying us. Jesus was saying to the disciples then and to us today that our willingness to obey him is the real proof of our love for him. Our obedience to God is the only thing that proves how much we love God.
- Knowing someone is critical to building a relationship.
Another important characteristic of the parent-child relationship is knowing each other. In the text the word know is not just about being aware of something or someone. It is about having a relationship with someone. It emphasises the need to share experiences that build a relationship with someone. It is this “knowing” that Jesus talks about in St. John 14:17. The world cannot know Jesus or the Holy Spirit because the world has no relationship with him. A child develops a relationship with his or her parent/s because they come to know that parent over their formative years. This knowing leads to trust and this ultimately shows the love between the child and the parents. No one can truly know someone who they have little or no relationship with.This is the point that Jesus wants us to hear today. Like the parent and child relationships we must also seek to know or experience God in our own way for us to truly love and trust God. Many of us claim to love God but how many of us have really built a deep and lasting personal relationship with God? In the end we can’t put our faith in God as we need to because we don’t know him well enough. We have not nurtured a close bond with our Savior.
- The faithful presence of the parent/s leads to the healthy growth of a child.
It is important to note that in verse eighteen, Jesus tells the disciples, “I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you. In saying this Jesus showed that he clearly knew the importance of His presence to the wellbeing of his disciples. It was important to assure them that they were not being left alone. An orphan has no parents and can feel deserted and devalued. The reassurance that he would always be with them was priceless as it comforted them and gave them confidence and hope for the future. Children too rely on the presence of their parents for their emotional and physical well-being. Some children who have no parents or who have been deliberately neglected physically and emotionally by their parents can feel disconnected, inferior and without hope.They may even feel worthless without having any place in the world. However, Isaiah chapter 49 verse 15 reminds us that even when a mothers forgets or ignores the child she gave birth to, God is always faithful. We, like children, must rely on the assurance of God’s constant presence with us especially at the most difficult and lonely times in our lives.
All of this is to say that ultimately the relationship between mothers and their children or fathers and their children is to be reflective of our own relationship with God. In the same way that children look to parents or guardians for loving and deliberate care, we as adults look to God, our Heavenly parent for love and care as we journey through this life. Like children our relationship with God ought to be built on trust and obedience to God. God in turn through his Holy Spirit is constantly with us to teach, guide and protect us through the various stages of life with all the experiences that we go through here on earth. We live in a world where many people have never been blessed with the joy of a sound and healthy parental relationship. Many of us too may have failed our children by not being the constant and supportive presence that they needed. Some parents may even have exploited their children’s innocence and trust for their own selfish ambitions and objectives. Some of us today think of our mothers who have passed away or children who have passed away. Mother’s day and even Father’s day is not always a happy day for many parents or children. In all of this God’s love and care remain the one constant thing that we can rely on. May we go from here to make an even greater effort to provide the example or model of healthy parenting that our children and other young people need to see in us as christians above all.
May the Lord give us strength and wisdom to shine a light of hope to those who continue to be the best parent or guardian they can be looking to Jesus who said, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these. (See St. Matthew 19:14 NIV)
May God give to all our mothers and by extension all parents and guardians, the strength and wisdom to be faithful stewards nurturing the young ones that we have been blessed with as God nurtures us as the loving parent that he most certainly is to all of us. Amen.